By Brian Figeroux, Esq. | Photo Copyright IQ INC.
Navigating a divorce or family law matter is one of the most emotionally taxing and legally complex experiences a person can face. In New York State, where divorce law intertwines with financial disclosure rules, custody guidelines, property division statutes, and procedural technicalities, trying to represent oneself—or relying on internet forms and anecdotal advice—can result in irreversible damage.
Many individuals believe they can save money by handling their divorce without a lawyer, particularly in so-called “uncontested” divorces. However, what they often fail to realize is that legal mistakes made during this process can cost them far more in the long run—in lost assets, custody rights, and even future income.
Here are the top 10 mistakes laypeople make when they attempt to go through divorce or family court matters in New York without hiring a qualified attorney:
- Misunderstanding Equitable Distribution in NY
New York is an equitable distribution state—not a community property state. Many laypeople mistakenly believe everything is split 50/50. In reality, courts divide marital property fairly, which does not always mean equally. Failure to understand this concept can result in an uneven and unjust division of marital assets.
Legal Impact: You may walk away with far less than you are legally entitled to, especially if your spouse is better informed or legally represented.
- Failing to Properly Identify Marital vs. Separate Property
A common pitfall is assuming that all assets (or debts) acquired during the marriage are “marital.” Laypeople may include separate property in a divorce agreement or overlook commingled assets that have become marital.
Legal Impact: You may unknowingly forfeit property you legally own or fail to claim assets like retirement accounts, business interests, or real estate.
- Agreeing to Unfavorable Custody or Visitation Terms
Parents who don’t understand the legal framework for custody often agree to impractical or vague parenting plans, hoping to “keep things amicable.” Later, when disputes arise, those agreements are difficult to enforce or modify without court intervention.
Legal Impact: You may lose out on time with your child or end up in repeated litigation to clarify or change a poorly written agreement.
- Underestimating Child Support Calculations
New York follows the Child Support Standards Act (CSSA), which applies a statutory formula based on combined parental income. Laypeople often fail to calculate this correctly or agree to off-the-record amounts, believing they can work it out informally.
Legal Impact: Either party may end up overpaying or underpaying, and the custodial parent may be left without recourse if support isn’t court-ordered or legally enforceable.
- Inadequate or Inaccurate Financial Disclosures
In New York, both parties are required to complete and exchange a Statement of Net Worth. Many self-represented individuals fill these out incorrectly or incompletely, not realizing the legal consequences of omitting or misrepresenting assets or liabilities.
Legal Impact: Courts may dismiss your claims, sanction you, or award your spouse a greater share of marital assets due to perceived dishonesty or negligence.
- Overlooking Long-Term Financial Consequences
Laypeople often focus only on immediate issues—such as keeping the house or car—without understanding the tax implications, retirement division (via Qualified Domestic Relations Orders), or spousal maintenance timelines.
Legal Impact: You may accept a settlement that seems fair today but leaves you financially unstable in the future—especially post-retirement.
- Signing an Unconscionable Agreement
Without legal counsel, parties may sign separation agreements or custody stipulations that are fundamentally unfair or unconscionable. Courts can overturn such agreements, but the process is long, expensive, and often emotionally devastating.
Legal Impact: Unconscionable agreements—once signed and entered—are difficult to reverse, and courts presume adults voluntarily entered them with full knowledge.
- Mishandling Orders of Protection and Domestic Violence Allegations
In cases involving domestic violence, individuals may improperly file for—or defend against—orders of protection. This can lead to adverse consequences, including loss of custody, housing, or access to shared children.
Legal Impact: Mishandling these cases can result in criminal charges, restraining orders, or removal from the family home.
- Not Understanding the Role of the Judge and Court Procedures
Many self-represented litigants believe they can simply “tell their story” to the judge and receive a favorable outcome. In reality, New York courts adhere to strict procedural rules. Missing filing deadlines, using the wrong legal standard, or failing to submit proper evidence can destroy your case.
Legal Impact: Procedural errors can result in dismissal, default judgments, or unfavorable rulings that could have been avoided with legal representation.
- Allowing Emotions to Dictate Strategy
Divorce is emotional—but court is not therapy. Laypeople often use litigation to punish their spouse or bring up irrelevant grievances. Attorneys help separate emotional pain from legal strategy, focusing on outcomes rather than vengeance.
Legal Impact: An emotionally driven litigant may waste time and money on non-issues, alienate
the judge and damage their own credibility.
The Price of DIY Divorce
Family law in New York is not a plug-and-play system. Even an “uncontested” divorce can involve complex legal questions related to pensions, support, real estate, debt allocation, and parenting time. Missteps in these areas can haunt a person for years or even decades.
Hiring a seasoned divorce and family law attorney does not simply mean “going to court.” It means having an advocate who understands negotiation, settlement drafting, family dynamics, and judicial discretion. A good attorney will not only protect your rights—they will also prevent you from making emotionally reactive, procedurally fatal, or financially reckless decisions.
In the long run, the cost of legal representation is far less than the cost of fixing avoidable mistakes. If you’re going through a divorce or custody issue in New York, don’t gamble with your future or your family. Secure the counsel of a trusted family law attorney who will help you make smart, sound, and strategic decisions.
In the long run, the cost of legal representation is far less than the cost of fixing avoidable mistakes. If you’re going through a divorce or custody issue in New York, don’t gamble with your future or your family. Secure the counsel of a trusted family law attorney who will help you make smart, sound, and strategic decisions.
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